Taken for a ride

Dear J,

Let's see, we begun our journey on May 22. the first month was nice, vanilla nice. We get to know each other as friends, i was there for you when you're hung up over OKCgirl. We chatted and dared each other to be happy.

i started to like you because i saw the good in you. you cant it though. you are so hung up on every little things. i confessed to you and wasnt expecting anything in return. we started to hang out pretty often and the texting and phone conversations gotten more. 

i dont know what happen a few days back. and i hated this, i hated this feeling. Felt like i have been taken in for a ride again. Maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe you dont like me enough to try it out. Maybe you scare to hurt me. Whatever it is, i dont think i deserve to be ignored. you should have given me the basic respect. 

i dont know about the future. i dont know about you. im not blocking you in any form of communications. if any, when you're ready. we see how everything goes. meanwhile, i wish you all the best and hope you can finally be happy within. 

Best wishes,
A.N.N.A

Be happy whatever, wherever you are...

A post dedicated to G. Joy Shi:

Hello Mermaid,

I do hope you read this.
There are a lot of things going on in your life.
There are a lot of thoughts to process.

There are things or matters you would need to resolve on your end.
I would like you to know i know where you're coming from.
Maybe you're not attracted to me, maybe i'm only an illusion to you.

I know your past and im sorry that it happened to you.
I know what i felt when i'm with you and i know you're not that kind of person.
I know i saw a good person and that is you.

Be happy in what you're doing. Be content. Don't let anyone else tell you otherwise.
Only you can make yourself happy.

I'm sorry that i can't be there for you. I wished i'm there to be with you.
You have made your choice and i respected that.

Just remember your friends and family are your pillars and stick close to them.

Goodbye and take care.

P/S: we could rule the world, if you had let me in... ;)

Best wishes,
nin

H.A.T.E

I meant to write this post a few months back, i have never gotten to written it.

Sadness had gone over me and all it has left is hatred.

I hate the fact that i have been taken for a ride.

I hate that you suggested exclusive dating.

I hate that you suggested non exclusive dating.

I hate to be taken for a ride.

I hate that I got hurt in the process.

I hate that you can be nonchalant in this process.

i do want to hate you so much...

Happy 2016 in 2 days!

Hello my dear blog,

The last rant was in 7th Jan 2013. Since then, i had been in another relationship and that went down the drain. Dated a couple of people, some became friends, others strangers. I still can't get the whole relationship thingy.

I called it "thingy" because its a subject that i thought i knew it at the back of my head... somehow, i just seem to flunk it at every paper. So i guess that makes me a noob at this whole relationship "thingy".

I have been single for almost 6 months and i really adore these quiet moments, oh, i realised how much i love to sleep. Especially on a rainy season in December. It used to be a depressing moment for me. I gotten over that.

I love myself quite a bit and am embracing this new me. 31 years, and it made me realised how important it is to love myself. I turned down alot of dates due to certain reasons, emotionally unavailable, unable to love themselves, not career driven, not independent. Oh, the list goes on...

I re-read all my past posts, i realised how much i could have with Miss J if i were not to call it off. 4 years... She is happily attached to someone and they had just moved in together. I couldn't have been happier. She deserved that happiness. :)

As for Miss Z, i know her short hair has gotten long and well, nope, i still have not make any contact with her. I do not see the point in doing that. She has her own life and so do i. It's been almost 2 years since our last breakup. I really hope she is happy. And i wish her that too.

I do not know what year 2016 has in store for me, i am really looking forward to it. Whether it is going to be another obstacle or oscar winning moment, i will embrace and acknowledge it as it is.

i say, BRING IT ON, 2016!!!

Till then, my faithful blog.
e

Silver Linings

Hi.

I know I have not been updating as I am avoiding people to know what I am doing lately. I am still running and doing what I think it's right. I've since read 2 books and I am going to buy my 3rd tomorrow. I want to share this 2nd book that I just finished reading with you.

Silver Linings by Matthew Quick. I picked this book by chance during one of my birthday celebrations last year. I remembered it was raining outside and I was an hour early for my appointment. I went straight to Kinokuniya and started to 'shelf-shopping'. I went from the comics section to the literature area. I know I need to find a 'happy' book. I rejected books that looked 'sad' or I kinda got a feeling it's bad ending...

I believe I was pacing up and down for a good 45 minutes before I saw this book, by chance. I grabbed the book and turned to the back cover and read the introduction. This book has been made into a motion picture starring Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence. As my relationship had just ended then, you would know how much this book actually spoke to me.

The apart time. The closure. The need to change one self. To be a better person. All the key words in this novel spoke to me. I read it as if the words would jumped out at me and emphasized on the matter. I called this book my healing book.

At first, I was reluctant to read it. I was hoping for a happy ending. But as time goes by, I was hoping the ending would be something different. I actually do not want the lead to reconcile with his wife. You read it and you will understand.

I'm dying to write on this space but you know Internet is a bitch. Haha. I been writing somewhere. In papers. Maybe someday, I transfer them over to this area. It's late and there's work. That is another story I could write whole day and night.

I'm waking up early to run tomorrow. Take care.

Good night.

Hello! Saturday!

Whoa! I can feel that it's a great day ahead. I suspect it might rain. But oh well, take away the heat, right? I just got back from my run. I did my tabata. Completed 3 sets and now, I am cooling down. The sweat always make me feel like I am exerting all my sorrows and worries away.

I met up with her last night. I felt last night was the real closure compared to the last one. She looked really tired. I bet must be the work and all the accusations that friends and family are giving her. Well, like what they says, the one that does the dumping always seems to be the bad guy.

We talked, we laughed, well, I admitted that partly it was me who push her over the edge of the breakup. I really hope she will be happy. I know I will be happy because that is what I aim to do.

So, Saturday, what are your plans?

I hope it will be fantastic!

Hello! Friday!

Every time, it's Friday? I will always have the urge to sing: "it's Friday, Friday...!"
I just got back from the run. Shiok! You know the song "raindrops keep falling on my head..." We'll, instead of raindrops, it's sweat... Haha. Like I'm showering! It's dripping as I typed this. Haha. Okay, I know it gross. I shall stop.

How's your day? I hope it's as hopeful as mine. I'm going to my new office later. Meeting Vinnie for lunch. Not sure about dinner tho, you wanna ask me out? Heh. Oh, I must warn you 1st, I don't eat that much for dinner. I think my appetite has gone smaller.

2 ,ore days to my official start date. I'm so excited! I can't picture last week, I was such a whack! I can't sleep, can't eat, can't even smile let alone laugh. Geez! I hated that me. Now, I felt so much confidence in me that I could explored! Haha.

Hey December! Bring it on! Nothing can be worst than the breakup! I'm going to pull through all the birthdays, all the Xmas and the New Years! And 2013! You better be treating me well! Haha.

Alrighty folks.

Again! Happy thoughts and have a great weekend!